My seven personal rules of life

28Oct 2018
Eliana Mwibari
DAR ES SALAAM
Guardian On Sunday
My seven personal rules of life

WHEN I was growing up I always asked many questions that sometimes took me a long time to figure out their answers. Sometimes I never got answers at all and sometimes I got answers right away.

One of the questions that I used to ask myself and I actually struggled a lot to understand is: why is it that whenever people have problems they prefer to go for advice to elderly people?

Well, I have my good friends who I can get advice from, but why do the majority of people prefer to go and have a deep conversation with elderly people, I could not figure it out.

Now that I have grown up I understand. It is said that wisdom comes with age. When we get older there is a sense of knowingness that we acquire naturally.

I believe that getting to be older you have overcome a lot of challenges; we have made a lot of mistakes; we have learned from different experiences that we went through or we saw our friends go through them, making us wise.

Hence when a young person comes to you with a challenge that they are going through seeking advice from you, you easily help them because you have seen it all.

There is a Swahili saying that goes - you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “an old monkey must have evaded a lot of arrows.” I believe all these quotes are trying to explain that a  grown up person has much more experience in life than the young ones.

As I grew up and over a period of time I came to realize that in life there a so many challenges that we go through or we have to go through, but the most important thing is for us to be able to grow from them.

The scriptures tell us that everything under the sun happens for a good reason.

But what happens most of the time is that we forget and we keep blaming ourselves. We keep revisiting our past and keep breathing life into it again, again and again.

So, I think it is very important to let go and let it flow. As I said, I have learnt a lot and I am still learning a lot about life.

Today I want to share with you a discovery that I have made and decided to set rules for myself, because I know we all go through the same things.

So I would like to share with you so that for whatever point that resonates with what you are going through I hope it helps you figure your way out.

Because, as human beings, we are meant to grow from whatever circumstances that we are going through and keep moving forward, no matter what.

Rule number one: make peace with your past so it won’t disturb your future. Like I have said in the above paragraphs, most of the time and for the majority of people across the globe, we tend to hang on to our past so much that it is difficult to let go of it and let us experience or receive what’s there is for us that the future has to offer.

Let’s take an example of failure in life. Most people don’t achieve their goals in life because they have tried a few times and failed and now they have given up, and when you try to advise them to keep on trying they tell you that they have tried multiple times and it did not work.

They I think success wasn’t made for them, hence they I can’t do it anymore.

That becomes their story. They conform to it and never try again, and once asked they will tell you about how they tried and it did not work.

 I remember reading a powerful quote from one of my icons. He said that he had to fail a thousand times in order to succeed once. So, no matter how many times you have tried, keep trying.

You are always five inches from your breakthrough and it’s just five inches between our ears. So don’t give up, you are almost there.

That was just a part about success in life. Let’s look at the relationship part.

Now I have to warn you because I am not a relationship expert, but this is what happens to most of us.

Sometimes it takes a couple of relationships for someone to settle down and have a stable relationship. It is not meant that way, but that’s what happens.

The majority of people pass through four, five and sometimes even more relationships for them to get to a point where they are able to settle down.

But what I have come to realize is that sometimes when people break up, or somehow they have had a bad relationship and one decides to move on, then the other person gets so hurt and hangs onto that toxic relationship for ages.

So, what happens here is one moves on, another hangs on to it and it becomes a drama. As a result the one who hangs on to that relationship allows themselves to be used and sometimes even be abused.

I am saying this because I once was a victim. I hanged on to a relationship that was not good for me. I became depressed, lost my self-esteem and lived according to what the other part wanted and not what I wanted.

It stayed like that for years until I was able to let it go. That is when I found my peace, and I have been able to live my life again and even been able to open my heart to love again.

So, what happens here is that I had to make peace with my past and now it does not disturb my future anymore. I know it is hard, but sometimes you have to be strong and believe that sometimes even the better things in life have to be let go for the best to take place.

Rule number two: what other people think of you is none of your business. Most people are victims of this.

The majority of people are addicted to receiving comments from other people about how beautiful they are or how their performance at work is, and this is critical because some people, when you are a comment addict, what happens is that before you do something you start asking yourself what will so-and-so say about me. Will they be proud of me or will they think that I am wrong?

 So, we fear and deprive ourselves a chance to be the best version of ourselves because we are scared of what other people will think of us.

I now know without a shadow of a doubt that how big your dream is, it’s only God who gave you that dream and you who know how big it is.

It’s hard for other people to really understand when you try to explain about your dream and goals. That’s why it is not always safe for you to tell everybody about your dreams because most of them won’t understand you.

The majority will discourage you and tell you that it can’t be done or nobody has ever done that, or you can’t do it because you are poor, you don’t have any connections, your parents are not known  - and so many other weak reasons.

If you listen and believe them you put an end to your dreams and you kill your future.

 The most important thing here is for you to know exactly what you want out of this life and go all out and do whatever it takes for a good cause to make it happen. What other people think surely is none of your business because they might think you are going crazy, or some may even think that you are trying to avoid them, but you know that your time is limited, so what used to happen long ago cannot proceed now because you are now focused; your main target is to achieve your dreams and goals.

Let them say whatever they want to say now, but, believe me, once you succeed they will get it and some will congratulate you while others will be your enemies. So, no matter what happens, keep your focus. Ignore the naysayers because they can’t take you nowhere.

You see, so many lessons apply in molding our lives.  So far we have looked only at two rules. Next week we are going to proceed and perhaps finish the remaining part.

 The most important thing is always to be open-minded and try to find ways to keep on improving your life and the lives of those around you. Be positive, focused and don’t give up. Most importantly, listen and follow your instincts.

 Until next week, stay blessed.

The writer is a businesswoman and a motivational speaker. Can be reached through: [email protected]; Mobile: 0745 834 956

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